A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned.
The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny.
So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin.
However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable
would have to come from his buttocks.
The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one
about where the skin came from,
and requested that the doctor also honor their secret.
After all, this was a very delicate matter.
After the surgery was completed,
everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty.
She looked more beautiful than she ever had before!
All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!
One day, she was alone with her husband,
and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.
She said, 'Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me.
There is no way I could ever repay you.'
'My darling,' he replied, 'I get all the thanks I need every time
I see your mother kiss you on the cheek.
Two men are standing at the top of a cliff. One has two budgies, one on each shoulder. The other has a parrot and a shotgun.
The first guy jumps off the cliff. He crashes on the rocks below and rolls over on his back. He looks up just in time to see The Parrot
fly off of his friends shoulder.
The Second guy launches on the top of the cliff and falls.
The Second guy aims his shot gun and shoots the bird just before he too crashes onto the rocks.
They lie there groaning in agony for a bit before the first guy says, "I really don't see what is supposed to be so great about budgie jumping!"
The second guy lets out a groan and says, "I'm really not too impressed with free-fall parrot shooting either!"
Dr's an OB GYN gets very tired of the very high insurance costs and frivolous lawsuits & quits his job. He decides to become a mechanic. He closes his practice and enrolls in the best trade school around.
The year goes by and all he has left in front of him is the final. The final is to remove an engine and disassemble then reassemble it without having to refer to the manual.
A couple of days later the grades are posted and he sees that he has a 150% score. The former Dr. feels this can't be right as a perfect score is 100%. Feeling unsure he talks to the teacher about his test score asking if it is right.
The instructor looks at him and said, "You removed the engine perfectly and did everything in the right order. You kept a spotless workspace and had fantastic organization. That was worth 50%. When you put it back together, it was a mirror image of the disassembly. That was also worth another 50%.
The fact that you did it all through the muffler, I felt was worth another 50%.
I walks into the bar and orders a shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into the shirt pocket.
Orders another shot of whisky, gulps it down and peeks into the shirt pocket once more.
Sure, orders a third shot and does the same thing. After the sixth shot,
I tip the bartender, leave the stool to walk out.
The lovely young Blond new bartender asks, "Excuse me, but I noticed that every time you drank a shot,
you kept looking into your pocket. I was wondering what's in your pocket." ... twss ...
"I have a picture of my wife in my pocket. I keep drinking until she starts to look good." ... twit ...
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Ya got to ignore all the lies ya hear today!