That’s What She Said (twss)

[Papa Tiger]

Can I-help You? ( Twss )
Stop distracting me!
I REALLY WANNA HELP? (TWSS)
go pick up some brews?


sure hope this thread fun! ( TWIS )

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[Papa Tiger]

I asked old Maud how she lost her husband. She told me her sad story…
"Well, he needed a blood transfusion, but his blood type was not on record, so the doctors asked me if I knew what it was, as they urgently needed to know, in order to save my Norman's life.
Tragically, I've never known his blood type, so I only had time to sit and say goodbye.
I'll never forget how supportive my Norman was.
Even as he was fading away, he kept on whispering to me, "Be positive, be positive!"
That was my Norman! Always thinking of others." TWSS

 

[Papa Tiger]

Two guy are on a life raft. Their delirious, it’s been days. Food an drink mostly wasted in high sea storms. Ned sees a mermaid beckon to him. Later Ned slips under the wave to her. Chuck misses his friend, feel bad about his shellfish hoarding of food and water. Later high seas overturn the raft and Chucky drowns. Ned and Val (a mermaid ) revive Chuck. They introduce Flora ( an octopus’s)to Chuck and she hauls his ass off. The Moral is its bad Karma to be shellfish!

 

[Papa Tiger]

WE WENT OUT FOR DINNER YESTERDAY AND AS WE SAT AT OUR TABLE I POINTED OUT THE ELDERLY COUPLE SITTING ACROSS THE ROOM AND SAID TO THE LIL WOMAN, “THAT WILL BE US ONE DAY. “
“THAT’S A MIRROR!” TWSS

 

[Papa Tiger]

Three mischievous old Grandmas were sitting on a bench outside the nursing
home when an old Grandpa walked by. One of the old Grandmas yelled out,
Hey, we bet we can tell exactly how old you are!' The old man said, 'There is no
way you can guess my age. One of the Grandmas said, 'Sure we can! Just drop
your pants and undershorts and we can tell your exact age.' Embarrassed, but
anxious to prove they couldn't do it, he dropped his drawers. The Grandmas asked
to jump up and down several times. Determined to prove them wrong, he did it. Then
they all said in unison, 'You're 87 years old!' Standing with his pants down around his ankles,
the old gent asked, 'How in the world did you guess my age?' Slapping their knees, high fiving and grinning from ear to ear, the three old ladies happily crowed.....'We were at your birthday party yesterday.'

 

[Papa Tiger]

A man walked into the ladies department and shyly walked up to the woman behind the counter and said, 'I'd like to buy a bra for my wife. ' ' What type of bra?' asked the clerk. 'Type?' inquires the man, 'There's more than one type?' ' Look around,' said the saleslady, as she showed a sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material imaginable. 'Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really only four types of bras to choose from.'

Relieved, the man asked about the types. The saleslady replied: 'There are the Catholic, Salvation Army, Presbyterian, and the Baptist types. Which one would you prefer?' Now totally befuddled, the man asked about the differences between them. The Saleslady responded, 'It is all really quite simple.'

The Catholic type supports the masses;
The Salvation Army type lifts the fallen;
The Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright;
The Baptist type makes mountains out of molehills.

Oh and Have you ever wondered why A, B, C, D, DD , E, F, G, and H are the letters used
to define bra sizes? If you have wondered why, but couldn't figure out what the letters stood for, it is about time you became informed!

{A} Almost *****. ... {B} Barely there. ... {C} Can't Complain. ... {D} Dang!
{DD} Double dang! ... {E} Enormous! ... {F} Fake. ... {G} Get a Reduction.
{H} Help me, I've fallen, I can't get up!
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[Sandevino]

You said the last Jeep was the last one you’d ever buy…

 

[Papa Tiger]

Bob and Toby open a Frozen yogurt stand. Bob is in charge of Hiring the Girls to tend the drive thru. Toby's actionably unimportant to their business. Days go past, evenings fled, the Hotties congregate and the Guys hang around. One day a Billionaire says, "I like your business." "Can I buy it" and the Hotties screamed," yes!"
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The new owner and CEO takes over at a struggling social media. Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looks around the room and asks, "Does anyone want to tell me what happening here?" From across the room "You need to treat us better. After being told to be nicer he reacts by firing them.
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If Cain and Able were Siamese twins, would they be Cable?
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Blessed are those who hunger and thirst, for they are sticking to their diets.
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Lawyer marries a woman & on their wedding night, she tells her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” says the guy. “How can that be in these modern times. "Well My husband I have been lonely since my early teens." "Thats an amazing fact! What should I do?" "Well my husband, since you're a lawyer, I know I gonna get screwed."
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The mother is concerned about her 17-year-old daughter Shirly. The doctor says, " teenagers today are very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in a rebellious Daughter." He then tells her, "Arrange for your daughter to be started with birth control and until then, talk with her. give her this box of condoms."
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The Homeless mans pushed himself straight against the entrance door of a Tenements building that is padlocked. Your guess is best!
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The Elderly couple are sitting on their porch swing. She says, "I want a Banana split with Chocolate, nuts,
Cherries & whipped cream on it. Shall I write that down?" "No," he says.
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